Alabama Election Results - Bear Wins in a Landslide

For 45 Delegates toward the Republican nomination:
Bryant - 81%
McCain - 12%
Huckabee - 4%
Romney - 3%
(Bryant looking Clinton-esque)

In a stunning upset the Bammers have chosen Paul 'Bear' Bryant as their nominee in the most decisive decision of the Primary season. McCain the Republican front runner had not even received 40% of the vote in a state before tonight. It is debated in Alabama as to whether the Bear is actually alive living in Jamaica as most Bammers claim or dead beneath his tombstone in Birmingham. Outside of the state everyone knows that he is rotting in Elmwood Cemetery.

Political strategists are still trying to comprehend the victory but its really pretty explainable when it comes down to it. The Bear played for three quarters with a broken leg against Tennessee which the Bammers equate to John McCain's five years in a Vietnam prison camp. The Bear ran his program like a great CEO so he has business sense in the eyes of Bammers. He was a womanizing fool according to many sources and thus Huckabee's platform is out the window. Once you factor in the fact that most Bammers still believe that Bryant is alive you have a decisive win for the Bear.

Lee County, home of the Auburn, seemed to be the only county with some sense as McCain has won the county by a sizable margin over second place finisher Huckabee while Bryant only got 10% of the vote.

We are waiting on the results of the rest of the Super Tuesday states tonight and will keep you updated on the status of Bryant's candidacy around the country.

Also this link might be the scoop on the Bear's first political scandal which should hit the Mobile Press Register soon.

Muschamp Cursing in Hogtown

Auburn defensive coordinator Will Muschamp has some words of encouragement for his defense. Imagine if the boom mic was near Coach O down in Oxford...

Spaniels Do Not Like Auburn

This dog is probably named Bear...



http://loserswithsocks.com/2007/09/20/bammer-dog-video/

A Victory For The Rebels!

The Ole Miss practice had two new additions Thursday as Rivals five star recruit Jerrell Powe and four star recruit Chris Strong joined the team after being admitted to the university. There is a fourteen day window where they can practice while the NCAA Clearinghouse reviews each recruit's status where after they must declare them eligible or ineligible. Both recruits happen to be famous in their own right before they have even stepped onto the field in Oxford.

A defensive tackle, Powe orginally committed to Ole Miss in 2005 but was unable to qualify academically. The next year he went to a BYU correspondence school and Hargrave Military academy which was enough education to try to get into Ole Miss again and he recommitted. Powe, who has been called a 'ready for the NFL caliber player,' did not become notorious until newspapers got a hold of court documents in a suit that was being filed on his behalf to attain NCAA eligibility. In the documents Powe's mother described her son saying, "Jerrell is a good child, he just can't read." Since this isn't Auburn where reading is not a necessity this raised some eyebrows amongst the Ole Miss administration and the NCAA. That being said it is horrible that Jerrell has been pushed along and used for his talent without people taking the time to lookout for his best interests educationally. If he had more help in his past he would not be in this current situation.

Chris Strong's story is not nearly as dramatic as Powe's but it's been a roller coaster ride in it's own right. He committed to the Rebels in January but needed to raise his test scores up to qualify. It appears now that he has done that. Strong is from Mississippi powerhouse South Panola High School and is projected to play at defensive end or linebacker for the Rebels. Chris has strong family ties to the Grove will be crossing his fingers that he makes it through the Clearinghouse in the next two weeks.

This brings up an interesting situation for the Rebels. Given Coach O's propensity for moving top flight players around it seems doubtful that these two will finish their careers at the position they begin at. Robert Lane came to Ole Miss as a Rivals four star recruit but after ineffective play the Rebels have moved him to tight end. Brent Schaeffer transfered in as a Rivals five star recruit and was anointed as Moses ready to lead the Rebels to the promised land. It hasn't quite worked out for for the quarterback though and he now finds himself at wide receiver. A walk-on is currently starting behind center for the Rebs.

Given past history we are going to project that Powe will end up as the first 350 pound safety in the SEC while Strong will be the highest drafted kicker since Sebastian Janikowski. Take it to the bank!

On another note Tyrone Prothro had better be happy that Powe wasn't the defensive back coming down on his leg.

12th Street Chatter - Awareness 99

Tonight is Christmas Eve for many who can't wait to get their hands on EA Sports' NCAA Football 2008 which is officially in stores tomorrow. This year the cover boy is former Boise State quarterback Jared Zabransky who is struggling to make the Houston Texan's roster currently. The game play has allegedly been improved greatly on 360 and this will be the first year that the game will be offered on PS3. Can't wait to see it on my HD television.

Here is some inside information from our source who tested the game out in California has given us some top secret information on the game's ratings.

Brent Schaeffer - Speed 89, Threating With Bats 98, Awareness 39
Virginia Tech Quarterbacks - Animal Rights 37, Stomping on Opponents' Knees 94
Urban Meyer - Tough Stand on Discipline 40
Les Miles - Speaking When Should Be Learning to Read 89
Clemson Tailgate Experience - 99
Matthew Stafford - Strength 67, Keg Lifting Strength 84
Charlie Weis - NFL Bound 88, Screwed by the Clausen Family 90
Ole Miss - Winning Tradition 36
Mississippi State - Cowbells 99
UGA the Bulldog - 36 Overall
Vanderbilt - Band 42, Cheerleaders 36, Athletic Department 0
Spurrier - Awareness 97, Under Armour Commercials 56
Tim Tebow - Jump Passes 77, Popularity 97, Injury 45 (will miss start by November)
Tuberville - Strength of Schedule 42, Whining 92
Alabama - Reality 36, RVs 99, Worshiping False Idols 88
Houston Nutt - Job Security 45, Awareness with Reporters 73
Eric Berry - Choice of Numbers 43
Red Georgia Pants - 44

Pretty accurate ratings it looks like.

Ears Undergoes Appendectomy

Auburn Tiger Head Coach Tommy Tuberville underwent successful surgery last week to remove his appendix. Not surprisingly Tuberville had the surgery in Florida, you didn't think they have a hospital in Auburn, Alabama did you? There is no chance the boosters are going to allow Ears to head up to Birmingham to get work done either, so to the state with the least morals east of the Mississippi for surgery it is. There would be a distinct chance a nurse would accidentally slip some arsenic into his I.V. while he was under anesthesia in Birmingham anyway so its probably for the best.

(On a side note, we can say with near certainty that Bear Bryant did not watch over this surgery.)

Hogs No Longer Running Wild in Alabama

Sorry Sabanists, Darren McFadden and Felix Jones didn't decide to go pro.

So evidently 11 year old Jamison Stone has killed a 9 foot 4 inch wild hog that weighed in excess of 1,050 pounds recently in Delta, Alabama. It took eight shoots and three hours to bring down the razorback with a .50 caliber revolver. Obviously its the biggest pig ever found, even bigger than Hogzilla according to Fox News. Come on Democrats they have no reason to make this up...

12th Street is the first news outlet to confirm for a fact that this was not the body that Bear Bryant's spirit has inhibited in his quest to make sure that all is right in the universe since his death. If the Bear's spirit was possessing the hog he would have eaten the boy Stone and his father and deposited the droppings on the fifty yard line of Jordan-Hare Stadium.