Beamer Ball on the Bayou

In case you missed it the Virginia Tech Hokies were only able to score seven points against the Chinese Bandits from LSU in a loss which would be politically incorrect to appropriately describe. Sean Glennon who was quarterbacking the team is now going to be replaced by all Iverson/Vick freshman Tyrod Taylor.

Tyrod under center in Lane Stadium. That's about right.

It is nice to see the Hokies come back down to earth after an off season where they came in over hyped due to off the field events that had nothing to do with sports. The Hokies were barely able to beat barely I-A East Carolina University two weekends ago but people were expecting them to go to LSU and handle the Tigers? We realize Les Miles still coaches the Tigers but that does not make them that bad...

Watch out for the upset special the next two weeks. The Chokies are playing Ohio University and William and Mary University and you heard it here first, they will lose one of those games.

Why? Karma. Tyrod wears Marcus Vick's old number 5. Glennon wears Michael Vick's 'retired' number 7. We won't even start on the topic of Vick's number being retired but still being worn tonight. I have work in the morning.

Top Duke Football Player Suspended

If there was ever an oxymoron to come across this blog that title sure is one. The so called top player referred to is Dukie Michael Tauiliili who was suspended 'indefinitely' by the athletic department Sunday. In the case of an LSU player this only means he would be out until Fall practice starts but with the Dukies it will probably be a little different. The suspension was for a violation of team rules and at this point we can only speculate on those reasons so we'll go ahead and do that below.

- Perhaps Tauiliili took money from Mike Nifong, only the Rainbow Push Coalition would take his money these days.
- He might have been asking Ian Johnson why he would ever want to marry a cheerleader

- Punishment after the administration found out he had realized he was on the football team at DUKE and tried to transfer to Rowan where he'd actually be playing after Thanksgiving. Hell even New Jersey is better than Duke athletics and a campus that looks eerily like the one Ron Mexico's.
- Could discrimination against alleged mungions be occurring in front of our eyes?

Who knows the real story but its likely that Duke will be finding a way to lose 13 this year without Tauiliili. That's even impressive for the Dukies seeing that they are only playing 12 games.

12th Street Chatter - Awareness 99

Tonight is Christmas Eve for many who can't wait to get their hands on EA Sports' NCAA Football 2008 which is officially in stores tomorrow. This year the cover boy is former Boise State quarterback Jared Zabransky who is struggling to make the Houston Texan's roster currently. The game play has allegedly been improved greatly on 360 and this will be the first year that the game will be offered on PS3. Can't wait to see it on my HD television.

Here is some inside information from our source who tested the game out in California has given us some top secret information on the game's ratings.

Brent Schaeffer - Speed 89, Threating With Bats 98, Awareness 39
Virginia Tech Quarterbacks - Animal Rights 37, Stomping on Opponents' Knees 94
Urban Meyer - Tough Stand on Discipline 40
Les Miles - Speaking When Should Be Learning to Read 89
Clemson Tailgate Experience - 99
Matthew Stafford - Strength 67, Keg Lifting Strength 84
Charlie Weis - NFL Bound 88, Screwed by the Clausen Family 90
Ole Miss - Winning Tradition 36
Mississippi State - Cowbells 99
UGA the Bulldog - 36 Overall
Vanderbilt - Band 42, Cheerleaders 36, Athletic Department 0
Spurrier - Awareness 97, Under Armour Commercials 56
Tim Tebow - Jump Passes 77, Popularity 97, Injury 45 (will miss start by November)
Tuberville - Strength of Schedule 42, Whining 92
Alabama - Reality 36, RVs 99, Worshiping False Idols 88
Houston Nutt - Job Security 45, Awareness with Reporters 73
Eric Berry - Choice of Numbers 43
Red Georgia Pants - 44

Pretty accurate ratings it looks like.

Another Reason to Go Back to Nawlins

Louisiana is continuing its push to be named the worst state in the nation. Forget that they had a congressman indicted this week for taking over half a million dollars in bribes; certain New Orleans residents robbed the mother of deceased New England Patriot Marquise Hill WHILE HIS FUNERAL WAS GOING ON. This is right up there with state troopers planting drugs in spring breakers' cars and Mayor Nagin going to Baton Rouge rather than staying in the Superdome when Katrina hit.

There are really few things I can imagine that would be worse than taking advantage of a grieving family while they attend a funeral of their son. Its bad enough the former LSU Tiger died so young, but then these bums steal $16,000 worth of belongings.

This story has flown in under the radar but it is not too surprising this has happened. The fact that Louisianians who have fled out of New Orleans and contributed to record crime rates in Houston, Little Rock, Memphis and Jackson (Mississippi) has not been reported either in the mainstream media either.

With any luck those people that committed the crime against Hill's mom will be caught and rot in Angola for many years.

Ryan Say It Ain't Seaux

LSU quarterback Ryan Perrilloux can no longer be addressed as LSU quarterback, at least for the time being, as he has been suspended by head coach Les Miles for, "an indefinite period of time" for an "accumulation of indiscretions." Who would think that being named in a federal COUNTERFEITING investigation and then getting thrown out of a casino like he pinched a cocktail waitress, could get you in trouble as a student athlete at LSU?

This comes after the All-World Recruit made bold predictions coming out of high school that he would beat out future 2007 NFL number one overall pick JaMarcus Russell for starting quarterback job, and my favorite, win the Heisman as a sophomore. You ain't no Billy Cannon son, you wear number 11 and everyone knows there isn't a chance of winning the Heistman Trophy with a numeral like that.

Les Miles likely cursed reporters at the press conference which was not attended by 12th Street Chatter. This clears the way for new starting quarterback Matt Flynn to ease into the taking the offensive reins this fall without distractions such as COUNTERFEITING taking place in team meetings.

Michael Vick - Presents the PETA Bowl

Recently PETA has been active in the sports world. First they called for Atlanta Falcon’s owner Arthur Blank to release Michael Vick from the team if he is found to have participated in dog fighting. Then this week after LSU live mascot Mike the Tiger V died the animal advocacy group has sprung into action again asking for LSU to not replace Mike with another live tige

Now fast forward to the start of the college football season. Michael Vick is in Baton Rouge with his alma mater the Virginia Tech Hokies who are about to play the LSU on the gridiron September 7. Both schools have had enough guff from PETA. Vick has been in contact with Skip Bertman the athletic director of LSU and they are planning a match for the ages ironically away from Death Valley at the Pete Maravich Assembly Center. A tiger fight to the death is in store.

The fight sanctioned by Vick’s K9 business, will have animals that have been brought in from the Burmese jungles and trained by Vick at his Surry County home in tidewater Virginia. These beasts have walked five hours a day on dread mills, taken more shots in the butt than Jose Canseco, mauled cows and kept a close watch out for terrorists around Norfolk’s Naval Base in the months leading up to the event.

Two six hundred pound Bengal tigers will go one round to the death in an evident that will have no rematch. The gambling boats in Louisiana have established the tiger named 'Druckenmiller' with its hair dyed slightly red as the favorite to beat the home town favorite 'Dinardo.’

With such a match up celebrities flocked to the event including: NFLers Clinton Portis and Chris Samuels; MLB’s Milton Bradley and former player Albert Belle; the WNBA’s Diana Taurasi as well as the recently fired Coach O, Courtney Love and Chelsea Clinton.

One can only picture College Gameday talking about the intense emotion from the night before on Saturday morning after Druckenmiller doesn’t live up to the hype and is dismembered before a cheering Cajun crowd. “Lee, it looked like he had a chance but DiNardo just showed more emotion,” chimes in Erin Andrews.

On the sideline of a blowout 42-13 LSU win Vick will only have a short statement while being interviewed, “Man the world loves Michael Vick, PETA can hate but its not like I have a disease or something…”

Its a sad day for PETA and the Hokies.