Alabama Election Results - Bear Wins in a Landslide

For 45 Delegates toward the Republican nomination:
Bryant - 81%
McCain - 12%
Huckabee - 4%
Romney - 3%
(Bryant looking Clinton-esque)

In a stunning upset the Bammers have chosen Paul 'Bear' Bryant as their nominee in the most decisive decision of the Primary season. McCain the Republican front runner had not even received 40% of the vote in a state before tonight. It is debated in Alabama as to whether the Bear is actually alive living in Jamaica as most Bammers claim or dead beneath his tombstone in Birmingham. Outside of the state everyone knows that he is rotting in Elmwood Cemetery.

Political strategists are still trying to comprehend the victory but its really pretty explainable when it comes down to it. The Bear played for three quarters with a broken leg against Tennessee which the Bammers equate to John McCain's five years in a Vietnam prison camp. The Bear ran his program like a great CEO so he has business sense in the eyes of Bammers. He was a womanizing fool according to many sources and thus Huckabee's platform is out the window. Once you factor in the fact that most Bammers still believe that Bryant is alive you have a decisive win for the Bear.

Lee County, home of the Auburn, seemed to be the only county with some sense as McCain has won the county by a sizable margin over second place finisher Huckabee while Bryant only got 10% of the vote.

We are waiting on the results of the rest of the Super Tuesday states tonight and will keep you updated on the status of Bryant's candidacy around the country.

Also this link might be the scoop on the Bear's first political scandal which should hit the Mobile Press Register soon.

Spaniels Do Not Like Auburn

This dog is probably named Bear...



http://loserswithsocks.com/2007/09/20/bammer-dog-video/

Bryant Lives

We knew that the Bear didn't die January 26, 1983...

Bear Gets Tough With The Sideline Reporter

Erin Andrews would not have bothered the Bear with this moronic line of questions....

Ears Undergoes Appendectomy

Auburn Tiger Head Coach Tommy Tuberville underwent successful surgery last week to remove his appendix. Not surprisingly Tuberville had the surgery in Florida, you didn't think they have a hospital in Auburn, Alabama did you? There is no chance the boosters are going to allow Ears to head up to Birmingham to get work done either, so to the state with the least morals east of the Mississippi for surgery it is. There would be a distinct chance a nurse would accidentally slip some arsenic into his I.V. while he was under anesthesia in Birmingham anyway so its probably for the best.

(On a side note, we can say with near certainty that Bear Bryant did not watch over this surgery.)

Bryant, No Saban Runs QB Off Team

Alabama has lost back up quarterback Jimmy Barnes in an episode the Tide faithful will surely compare with Bear Bryant's 'Junction Boys' training camp. According to Barnes he would 'not give up his dignity to Saban' just to stay on the football team. Barnes' attitude might explain why Alabama has lost 10 of 12 to Tennessee and dropped five straight to Auburn. Just like the Bear, Saban is running off everyone who isn't fit for the premier program in the state of Alabama ergh city of Tuscaloosa, forgot about Auburn these days.

The Sabanists will hail this as a victory that shows Alabama is a step closer to reclaiming its glory but we aren't so sure. This leaves Alabama with a freshman third stringer, Greg McElroy, as the current back up. Being a freshman McElroy has no game experience under his belt, other than the spring game that a handful of people showed up to. Its good to have players that want to be on the roster but this could come back to haunt the Tide in the short term. At least Brodie Croyle has graduated so it won't be guaranteed that McElroy will see the field this year.

Alabama Back At It?

It looks as though Alabama is reverting back to the days of Bear Bryant. No, they aren't winning championships, they are pulling some stunts on the recruiting trail down in Miami. As was first reported by CaneSports.com, Saban apparently had too much contact with juniors as he was visiting Northwestern High School in Dade County. Seems pretty minor but beware Sabanists, its a slippery slope.

It must also be noted that we find it pretty funny that Saban told the head coach at Northwestern, "Alabama is a great place to get a degree." I mean its a place to get a degree but is it a 'great' place? Charles Barkley would probably beg to differ.

Hogs No Longer Running Wild in Alabama

Sorry Sabanists, Darren McFadden and Felix Jones didn't decide to go pro.

So evidently 11 year old Jamison Stone has killed a 9 foot 4 inch wild hog that weighed in excess of 1,050 pounds recently in Delta, Alabama. It took eight shoots and three hours to bring down the razorback with a .50 caliber revolver. Obviously its the biggest pig ever found, even bigger than Hogzilla according to Fox News. Come on Democrats they have no reason to make this up...

12th Street is the first news outlet to confirm for a fact that this was not the body that Bear Bryant's spirit has inhibited in his quest to make sure that all is right in the universe since his death. If the Bear's spirit was possessing the hog he would have eaten the boy Stone and his father and deposited the droppings on the fifty yard line of Jordan-Hare Stadium.