Alabama Election Results - Bear Wins in a Landslide

For 45 Delegates toward the Republican nomination:
Bryant - 81%
McCain - 12%
Huckabee - 4%
Romney - 3%
(Bryant looking Clinton-esque)

In a stunning upset the Bammers have chosen Paul 'Bear' Bryant as their nominee in the most decisive decision of the Primary season. McCain the Republican front runner had not even received 40% of the vote in a state before tonight. It is debated in Alabama as to whether the Bear is actually alive living in Jamaica as most Bammers claim or dead beneath his tombstone in Birmingham. Outside of the state everyone knows that he is rotting in Elmwood Cemetery.

Political strategists are still trying to comprehend the victory but its really pretty explainable when it comes down to it. The Bear played for three quarters with a broken leg against Tennessee which the Bammers equate to John McCain's five years in a Vietnam prison camp. The Bear ran his program like a great CEO so he has business sense in the eyes of Bammers. He was a womanizing fool according to many sources and thus Huckabee's platform is out the window. Once you factor in the fact that most Bammers still believe that Bryant is alive you have a decisive win for the Bear.

Lee County, home of the Auburn, seemed to be the only county with some sense as McCain has won the county by a sizable margin over second place finisher Huckabee while Bryant only got 10% of the vote.

We are waiting on the results of the rest of the Super Tuesday states tonight and will keep you updated on the status of Bryant's candidacy around the country.

Also this link might be the scoop on the Bear's first political scandal which should hit the Mobile Press Register soon.