Alabama Election Results - Bear Wins in a Landslide

For 45 Delegates toward the Republican nomination:
Bryant - 81%
McCain - 12%
Huckabee - 4%
Romney - 3%
(Bryant looking Clinton-esque)

In a stunning upset the Bammers have chosen Paul 'Bear' Bryant as their nominee in the most decisive decision of the Primary season. McCain the Republican front runner had not even received 40% of the vote in a state before tonight. It is debated in Alabama as to whether the Bear is actually alive living in Jamaica as most Bammers claim or dead beneath his tombstone in Birmingham. Outside of the state everyone knows that he is rotting in Elmwood Cemetery.

Political strategists are still trying to comprehend the victory but its really pretty explainable when it comes down to it. The Bear played for three quarters with a broken leg against Tennessee which the Bammers equate to John McCain's five years in a Vietnam prison camp. The Bear ran his program like a great CEO so he has business sense in the eyes of Bammers. He was a womanizing fool according to many sources and thus Huckabee's platform is out the window. Once you factor in the fact that most Bammers still believe that Bryant is alive you have a decisive win for the Bear.

Lee County, home of the Auburn, seemed to be the only county with some sense as McCain has won the county by a sizable margin over second place finisher Huckabee while Bryant only got 10% of the vote.

We are waiting on the results of the rest of the Super Tuesday states tonight and will keep you updated on the status of Bryant's candidacy around the country.

Also this link might be the scoop on the Bear's first political scandal which should hit the Mobile Press Register soon.

1995 UT vs. Bama

"Manning put it on his hip, bootleg, and he'll walk it in."

Game of the Week

Georgia Bulldogs at Alabama Crimson Tide
7:45 ET on ESPN and ESPN 360

In best match up of the week Mark Richt brings his team in to play God 's Nick Saban's fighting Elephants at Bryant-Denny Stadium. Alabama is coming off of a big time win last week against Arkansas while Georgia is still recovering from a thumping two weeks ago against the Ole Ball Coach. Two teams whose fan bases believe they are going in opposite directions, but things are never as good as they seem or as bad as they seem in the world of college football.

Matthew Stafford recovered from the South Carolina game last week against Western Carolina going 14 for 20 with 2 touchdown passes in a winning effort. In order to win running back Thomas Brown is going to have to step up his 47 yard a game out put over the first three games of the season. Wide receiver Sean Bailey needs to live up to the big play potential he had coming out of high school as well.

All a viewer needs to know about Alabama is that God Nick Saban is still their coach and John Parker Wilson has not cut his hair. The Crimson Tide is rolling and nothing can stop them...

....except the Georgia Bulldogs. Stafford will have a game that solidifies him at the quarterback in the eyes' of the Dawg faithful with Baily helping him out all day long. Terry Grant will be held to under 75 yards by the Georgia defense and a maligned secondary will keep D.J. Hall in check. Georgia leads from start to finish bringing the Tide faithful back down to earth beating the Alabama 31-13.

Maybe Nick Saban is not God...

SEC Game of the Week

As much as I wanted to pick Western Carolina at Alabama as the game of the week that would not have been fair to anyone outside of Tuscaloosa. So here it is...

Tennessee Volunteers at California Golden Bears
8 p.m. EST ABC National Coverage


The California Golden Bears say they will be seeking revenge in Berkley Saturday night with the Tennessee Vols coming to town. The Vols jumped out to a 35-0 lead last year before taking out their starters. By midway through the third quarter the Golden Bears were playing for a lost cause, hardly knowing what had hit them. Back up quarterback Joe Ayoob replacing starter Nate Longshore who was yanked while his team still had an egg on the scoreboard. Ayoob and strategy helped Cal team put up 18 points after the game was over, saving face in the box scores printed in the newspapers. That strategy did not go over well with Vol Coach Phillip Fulmer, as he watched Cal continue to attempt onside kicks with less than five minutes to go.

All off season coach Jeff Tedford and quarterback Nate Longshore have been talking the talk now they will have to walk the walk. The hostile SEC environment was something the Bears had never experienced before. In addition Starbucks is not served in the stands at Neyland Stadium and neither is sushi; that has to be tough to get used to for the fans from Berkley. Tedford was reportedly sickened by the loss in Knoxville that he threw up after he got off of the return plane to Berkley. That same Cal team did go on to pick up the pieces and collect a share of the PAC 10 conference championship. But do they honestly believe they can beat the same team that slaughtered them last year?

I think it is a stretch to think that either team will blow out the other this year. The Vols at last check are a 6 point underdog and have historically pulled off some big upsets when they are large underdogs on the road. Erik Ainge has a broken finger on his throwing hand, running back LaMarcus Coker is suspended, punter Britton Colquitt has a pulled quad, the Vols have to fly three time zones away and have to fight off a reported 50,000 noise makers that Cal plans to give out to their fans.

The Golden Bears have 165 pound stud receiver DeSean Jackson, a proven running back in Justin Forsett and have even almost sold out their stadium. Imagine that, selling out a stadium against a ranked team. The Golden Bears lost their top three defensive players from last year and will have to replace much of their front seven.

Everyone seems to be stacking their chips against the Vols in this one and that is why they will pull it out in the land of the tree huggers. Ainge will have a great game, though not necessarily put up huge numbers, making people question whether Fulmer was just putting up a smoke screen with the injury talk. Arian Foster will return to his home state and tear through the relatively inexperienced Cal defense hitting the century mark in yards with his bruising style. Longshore will not get in a rhythm as the Vols defense will throw him off his game again early. Defensive tackles J.T. Mapu and Demonte Bolden will play surprisingly well holding down Forsett. Tough, close game but the Vols hold on for the win .

Prediction:

Vols 28 Golden Bears 20

Bryant Lives

We knew that the Bear didn't die January 26, 1983...

Bear Gets Tough With The Sideline Reporter

Erin Andrews would not have bothered the Bear with this moronic line of questions....

12th Street Chatter - Awareness 99

Tonight is Christmas Eve for many who can't wait to get their hands on EA Sports' NCAA Football 2008 which is officially in stores tomorrow. This year the cover boy is former Boise State quarterback Jared Zabransky who is struggling to make the Houston Texan's roster currently. The game play has allegedly been improved greatly on 360 and this will be the first year that the game will be offered on PS3. Can't wait to see it on my HD television.

Here is some inside information from our source who tested the game out in California has given us some top secret information on the game's ratings.

Brent Schaeffer - Speed 89, Threating With Bats 98, Awareness 39
Virginia Tech Quarterbacks - Animal Rights 37, Stomping on Opponents' Knees 94
Urban Meyer - Tough Stand on Discipline 40
Les Miles - Speaking When Should Be Learning to Read 89
Clemson Tailgate Experience - 99
Matthew Stafford - Strength 67, Keg Lifting Strength 84
Charlie Weis - NFL Bound 88, Screwed by the Clausen Family 90
Ole Miss - Winning Tradition 36
Mississippi State - Cowbells 99
UGA the Bulldog - 36 Overall
Vanderbilt - Band 42, Cheerleaders 36, Athletic Department 0
Spurrier - Awareness 97, Under Armour Commercials 56
Tim Tebow - Jump Passes 77, Popularity 97, Injury 45 (will miss start by November)
Tuberville - Strength of Schedule 42, Whining 92
Alabama - Reality 36, RVs 99, Worshiping False Idols 88
Houston Nutt - Job Security 45, Awareness with Reporters 73
Eric Berry - Choice of Numbers 43
Red Georgia Pants - 44

Pretty accurate ratings it looks like.

Ears Undergoes Appendectomy

Auburn Tiger Head Coach Tommy Tuberville underwent successful surgery last week to remove his appendix. Not surprisingly Tuberville had the surgery in Florida, you didn't think they have a hospital in Auburn, Alabama did you? There is no chance the boosters are going to allow Ears to head up to Birmingham to get work done either, so to the state with the least morals east of the Mississippi for surgery it is. There would be a distinct chance a nurse would accidentally slip some arsenic into his I.V. while he was under anesthesia in Birmingham anyway so its probably for the best.

(On a side note, we can say with near certainty that Bear Bryant did not watch over this surgery.)

Bryant, No Saban Runs QB Off Team

Alabama has lost back up quarterback Jimmy Barnes in an episode the Tide faithful will surely compare with Bear Bryant's 'Junction Boys' training camp. According to Barnes he would 'not give up his dignity to Saban' just to stay on the football team. Barnes' attitude might explain why Alabama has lost 10 of 12 to Tennessee and dropped five straight to Auburn. Just like the Bear, Saban is running off everyone who isn't fit for the premier program in the state of Alabama ergh city of Tuscaloosa, forgot about Auburn these days.

The Sabanists will hail this as a victory that shows Alabama is a step closer to reclaiming its glory but we aren't so sure. This leaves Alabama with a freshman third stringer, Greg McElroy, as the current back up. Being a freshman McElroy has no game experience under his belt, other than the spring game that a handful of people showed up to. Its good to have players that want to be on the roster but this could come back to haunt the Tide in the short term. At least Brodie Croyle has graduated so it won't be guaranteed that McElroy will see the field this year.

Alabama Back At It?

It looks as though Alabama is reverting back to the days of Bear Bryant. No, they aren't winning championships, they are pulling some stunts on the recruiting trail down in Miami. As was first reported by CaneSports.com, Saban apparently had too much contact with juniors as he was visiting Northwestern High School in Dade County. Seems pretty minor but beware Sabanists, its a slippery slope.

It must also be noted that we find it pretty funny that Saban told the head coach at Northwestern, "Alabama is a great place to get a degree." I mean its a place to get a degree but is it a 'great' place? Charles Barkley would probably beg to differ.

Hogs No Longer Running Wild in Alabama

Sorry Sabanists, Darren McFadden and Felix Jones didn't decide to go pro.

So evidently 11 year old Jamison Stone has killed a 9 foot 4 inch wild hog that weighed in excess of 1,050 pounds recently in Delta, Alabama. It took eight shoots and three hours to bring down the razorback with a .50 caliber revolver. Obviously its the biggest pig ever found, even bigger than Hogzilla according to Fox News. Come on Democrats they have no reason to make this up...

12th Street is the first news outlet to confirm for a fact that this was not the body that Bear Bryant's spirit has inhibited in his quest to make sure that all is right in the universe since his death. If the Bear's spirit was possessing the hog he would have eaten the boy Stone and his father and deposited the droppings on the fifty yard line of Jordan-Hare Stadium.